Dating in India: The Dos and Donts as a Foreign Woman
The following post is a guest post from Beth, who has been living in India for years. Shes dated Indian men and has a few tips to share for foreigner women dating Indian men here in India whether on their travels or if you are living here as an expat.
I had only been on my first date in India for about 30 minutes, and already I was almost in tears and wanted to go home! It was a nightmare! A friend introduced to me to a nice looking Indian guy who asked me for my number. I thought, why not? Im single and Indian guys are hot, so I gave him my number.
Several days later I accepted his offer to go out for dinner. But just as we were parking to go into the restaurant he pulled out a three pack of condoms and told me he was ready. REALLY? Ready?
I struggled to maintain my composure. Frankly, I was pissed! How dare he assume he would get sex from me on the first date! Im not saying it was completely outside the realm of possibility, but his presumption, and approach to it, shocked me!
After taking a couple of calming breaths, I asked him what gave him the idea that I was going to have sex with him on our date.
He seemed hurt, and equally shocked that I was upset. I thought that was what you wanted, he said, sounding genuinely confused. I thought you would be happy that I was prepared. I asked him how he got that idea and his response was that he thought that was what all American women wanted.
After further discussion he explained that he got that impression from watching American TV shows like Sex in the City and Desperate Housewives.
I didnt go out with him, or any other Indian guys, for a few months after that. But when I finally did I had a much better experience. By then I had learned some basic dos and donts of the Indian culture. It helped tremendously with my expectations.
I still had a few other shocking experiences though. While spending a weekend in Dubai I met a nice guy from India and spent most of the weekend with him. A few days later he left a marriage proposal on my voicemail! Yikes! Here are some helpful things to keep in mind.
Dress modestly or at least according to the local standards. For example, Goa is much more modern than Delhi so you can get away with shorts and tank tops in Goa. However, if you wear such things in Delhi you will attract the wrong sort of attention.
Expect bars to close around 12:30, and they really dont start rolling until after 10:00, so you might not have a lot of time to hang out.
Realize that our idea of friendliness might be their idea of flirtation. Not long ago I went shopping with my Indian boyfriend and was chatting with the clerk that helped me. My boyfriend said he thought I was being flirtatious while I just thought I was being nice and polite.
Ask if they have a car. Car ownership is not as prevalent in India so you may need to take public transportation.
Realize that they may think we are less inhibited (or easier) than Indian women. It does not take much to encourage them. Even sharing your phone number might make them think you are interested in more than just a date.
Be safe. This applies to dating in America as well, but it is even more important in India, where a white woman is viewed as a prize. Always tell someone where youre going and who you will be with. Go to a public place and pay attention to where you are.
Get upset if their mom starts calling around 9:00. Most Indian young men live with their parents until they get married. Even then, their new wife often moves in to the household rather than them getting their own place. So it is expected that his mom will worry about him and call him to make sure he is okay and behaving himself.
Be afraid to offer to help pay the bill. We make a lot more than most of them do.
Be surprised by chivalry. Its alive and well in India. Guys still open doors and bring over flowers.
Expect to be introduced to their family any time soon. I have been with my current boyfriend for eight months and still havent met his family.
and Im sure I would not be the type of traditional Indian girl they would want for their son.
Be shocked if people stare at the two of you a lot. Interracial couple are not common in India.
Beth and her boyfriend, Kirti, living it up at the Grub Fest in Delhi
I am lucky to have beaten the odds and to have found a great boyfriend in India, but it did take some effort. We still have some major culture differences but we enjoy each others company and are open to the possibility of a long term future together. I hope you will step outside your comfort zone. You never know where you might find love.
Beth Bauer is an author, freelance writer and entrepreneur working as an expat in India, and is soon going rogue. Follow her adventures at You can connect with her onFacebookTwitterInstagram, andGoogle Plus.
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Rachel Jones left a career in nursing and lived on the beaches of Goa, India for the five years. Now she lives in Mexico where she gives advice on the 40+ countries shes visited in the last 10 years. Shes the author of two India travel e-books: Guide to India and Insiders Guide to Goa. Her blog, Hippie in Heels, like its name, is a contradiction combining off-beat adventurous places with glamorous and bespoke travel. Hippie in Heels has been featured in ELLE, Marie Claire, Grazia, and Cosmopolitan magazines. Shes a writer for Bravo TV.
Though i am not in India now. I think many of the points are true. Especially guys presuming foreign women would expect sex on first date. Thats how US has been portrayed most of the times, like how India is slumdog millionaire for most foreigners.
P.S: The second section is donts. It is written dos for both the sections.
Thanks Ive fixed that typo. And yes, these stereotypes do exist from both sides.
It is unfortunate you got to meet the weird variety of men from my country. The problem is, particularly in cities like Delhi, it is rare to find someone who is serious. Trust me on this, I find it hard to understand Delhi girls despite being from here (though I have lived outside of my native place most of my life).
But like everywhere, all men from Delhi arent that way. Too bad you had such a terrible experience.
Well written guidelines, but in India, parents irrespective of having a son or a daughter, do worry about their kids (even when adults). Big cities arent exactly safe as you pointed outso yes, worrying about family and checking up on them (parents to kids or vice versa) is pretty normal.
We are culturally ingrained to stay and care for our elderly since they took care of us when we didnt even know basic things like walk, talk, toilet train etc. Staying with parents isnt seen as incompetency to find a new home; it is simply a matter of respect and pride.
There was some hypocrisy in the previous generations about the girl not getting to take care of her parents (in cases where the daughter was the only child of parents), many young Indian men of this generation are becoming more and more open to care for their in-laws after seeing their own parents struggle. I cant say for all, but many are changing.
Having the presence of elders at home from either or both sides is seen as a matter of respect, especially when you have young kids at home. They often teach things to kids which help them mature and become more stable than working couples leaving their kids alone due to hectic careers, thus leaving them vulnerable to false peer pressures and wrong habits.
BTW, Loved the way you put it out without misjudging anything or anyone.
Really cool to read about the dating scene from Beths perspective. Ive heard many times while living in India that some Indian men do suppose American women are promiscuous, based on our TV shows. Sex in the City, and Desperate Housewives, well, yeah, some of these women are getting busy quite a bit LOL. Toss in how the Kardashians dress and some from different cultures get mixed on in their minds, clear signals, and just go for it. Being polite, not being offended by their misunderstanding and dissolving any confusion by stating your intentions can definitely help set things straight.
Yeah its interesting here how something we might see as a friendly gesture could be taken a completely different way.
Interesting tips! I had thought about this a lot actually my partner is Indian but youve summed it up fairly well here. Its difficult to see past the cultural differences sometimes they can drive you nuts! But a bit of compromise is good in any relationship I guess
Nice Post! Very funny. I agree with the stereotypes and it is super conservative in Udaipur, where I live so it is good to be cautious. I am in a relationship with a non-India. I have an Indian friend and he is one of the nicest guys on the planet. He knows he has no shot as he is also friends with my partner, but when I returned from a visit to the States, he brought me flowers. So sweet. He has also escorted another friend of ours all the way to Delhi by train with no expectations of getting lucky. I think he is a rare bird on the planet, not just in India. I agree with Beth, be safe, know some of the cultural differences and if you want to date in India, have fun!
Nice to see your take on it Betsy. The only issues I ever dealt with is when I used to do massage people would ask me on dates after? So weird. It was a thai massage (so with clothes on) Im like no and get out now! It was just so inappropriate and happened a lot. But in terms of dating, I havent done that here of course since I met Ben so early on. My India guy friends are the nicest and I cant imagine them acting in a bad way but also Goa is very very Westernized.
I nearly died when I read the part about the marriage proposal via voicemail! Never experienced this myself although when I started dating my Malayali boyfriend I remember being a bit flabbergasted at how quickly he wanted to put a label on our relationship.
All of this is so true, from the casual friendliness being mistaken for flirting to the assumptions of white women being easier to the big romantic gestures.
Thanks for writing this post, I think if more white women knew what to except and understood Indian culture better they might give more of these guys a chance. Who knows? They might even find the love of their lives 🙂
I agree to a lot of things that you say here. Your experiences are also pretty interesting especially about the guy who assumed sex on first date seeing some sitcoms which is a very clueless 90s thing to do. I do hope you have come across some more balanced dudes as I can personally assure you that most guys wont make such lame assumptions these days. I agree that that Indian men need a bit more maturity when it comes to dating as the concept of romance is still culturally a bit different from an Indian point of view and there are biases.
thanks for sharing your opinion of this! Comments and thoughts on it are definitely helpful for women traveling and dating in India.
It is well written and I believe the people you have met are of mentality you have described. But it is not true for general males of India. Most of us know basics of dates and do not follow the trends of TV shows like Sex in the City and Desperate Housewives you have mentioned.
Most of the foreigner in Goa, Kasol, Rishikesh meet guys who are either drivers, hotel managers, yoga teachers or agents or friends of them who are not well educated to understand feelings of a girl and basics of a relationship.
I would propose to get along with teenagers of your age like college students, corporate guy because most of these youngsters are known to the facts like Dressing modestly, pulling out a three pack of condoms on the first date.
Yes, I do agree that most of boys in India do live with their parents before marriage and usually their wife also get along in the same house. But it is because India does not have the fashion of separate house completely. But It is now changing since most of them are working in Delhi, Bangalore, Chennai and they buy their own house with the same logic.
So i met this girl she was from Spain and we met at Haridwar ( i was visiting haridwar too i dont live there) she was here to learn and practice yoga , she was having a hard time finding a hotel to stay so i helped her find one then i took her to dinner in the evening and then i dropped her to her room and left to meet again in the morning and visit a temple on hills we visited the temple and then dropped her back to her hotel and left to meet at evening during arti time (arti means prayer) we went to the ganga Bank sat there for a while too talked i helped her with alot of stuff like how to pay with her bank and not cash because at that time there was alot of shortage of cash in India (de monetization) helped her with activating and accessing internet on her new number then i dropped her to her room and left, she left for rishikesh city in the morning
In all this i didnt expected sex anywhere
She wore anything she wanted tank tops or whatever it didnt encouraged me i asked for her phone number after i helped he finding a room so if she needs help regarding anything she can just call me it didnt encourage me or made think she wanted more than date or even a date Its sad you have a mentality like that and you are posting the on the internet making a bad image of us indians
Just because you met with shitty type of people doesnt mean the whole india is like that people you met are were just cheap
This is a guest post based on the writers experience. But, of course this isnt all men in India. I have so many best friends in Goa who are Indian men. But that doesnt mean this didnt happen to the writer and to many other girls traveling here (who email me and tell me about it, or are friends of mine and share with me). Take a look at my post on how to dress in India and see comments from Indian men saying really nasty things about foreign women, or the comments trying to explain that the reason men stare in India is theyve only seen white girls in porn, or if i had left them up, the 30+ comments I delete a week about Western women being sluts which are from Indian men I have 400+ posts about India (PROMOTING India) on my blog but it would be deceiving to not mention this side of things to. There is a reputation of western women in India and that cannot be ignored + foreign women coming here should know some men think like this. I write mostly about India, but that isnt to say it doesnt happen elsewhere in the world, but my posts are about what happens in India specifically. As someoone who has a career PROMOTING India to the world, its not cool to be lectured for also sharing the negative sides of India. It would be false to hide the other side of what happens here. There is so much in India which is fair toward not just women but muslims (i mean whats going on now with the beef ban etc) and you can look only to politicians who say women deserve to be raped to know that this is a problem that should not be ignored and it only makes India better to deal with these issues rather than sweep them under the rug. Instead of being annoyed that other Indian men do this and worrying it makes you look bad, realize that this IS happening, and people are traveling India dealing with this and try to do positive things to balance this out or help stop these things when you see them happening.
Im Indian, and I completely agree with you Rachel. It makes me feel ashamed, but this is really a problem. Indian men to then to think that foreign caucasian girls are easy (of course not everyone is like that). There are a lot of factors to that. Cultural difference, media, porn, etc. Girls need to maintain a level of caution when dating Indian men, but also dont shun them as Indian guys can be the nicest persons you would ever meet.
There would be many cultural differences that both the parties will need to get used to and understand. Not many Indian guys will date any girl for like 2-3 years before getting married. The concept of dating is not that prevalent over here. So expect a marriage proposal sometime within 6 months to a year, if the guy is serious about you and sees a future together with you. This is mainly because theres a constant pressure from the guys family to get married if hes not by the age of 30. If you are not comfortable with that, you should clearly mention that you dont want to get married anytime soon before you start dating him.
I just cant believe miss jones, to be in goa you left your nursing career? I mean i love goa too and i live in maharashtra butits really so hard to live at a new state and place, where one isnt used to live.
No offence but the way the things r represented through US soaps and movies, I guess its one of the reasons why some Indian guys r having a surge of testosterone when a foreigner of the opposite sex calls for a dinner..I Feel really ashamed as an Indian to read such a shameless act committed by my own countryman. Anyway, hope that no one else encounter such incidents in the future.good luck!
You talk like a saint. I know lots of things about USA and how they treat girls. Can I show you?? western countries like to mocking one country while they forget how they treat women in there own country. Hypocrite??
I dont understand why we dont to date an foreign girls at first place while we have better girls here.
I find it deeply insulting when Indian men continue to go crazy over women of other races/cultures. Indian men and women are attractive enough and we should be that to each other. As a nation that is continuously insulted by western countries and similar states as a nation of poverty-stricken savages or an ugly group of people who want their white women, the least we can do is grow some self-respect, marry our own kind and work towards developing our own state with heads held high.
marry your own kind You sound like someone from the American Deep South. (Thats not a compliment.)
you whites are dirty people did you know that sanitation ancient hydraulic engineering drainage plumbing and toilets were invented by Indians and not whites well now you do! and shampoo was invented by Indians (indian Vedic champoo) you whites are full of inferior genes and shouldstick to your own race you are a dying race and are recessive genetics . your people have the highest divorce rates and lackculture stay out of our country whites have MCR-1 genes and varicella zoster virus which mutates into shingles you are discusting parasites. keep your epidermodysplasia verricoformis ,xeroderma pigmentosum and HPV human papilloma virus to yourself. whites have a bad history with all races and us south Asians dont like whiteskinned barbaric cave savages. you scourge lie about achievements and inventions your race never made you envy Indians you are jealous scum on our non white planet get out of our non white planet.quit using surgery medicine language grammar literature university numbers number zero fiber optics wireless communications binary code and I can go on . we dont believe in miscegenation we have arranged marriages and whites and jews dont belong on our earth you people are inferior leeches who use our ideals of religion which comes from our yajur ved you use music and dance which both come from our sam ved we dont like whiteskinned trash get out of America thats not a whiteland.white women are dirty and suffer from melanoma epidermlysis bulosa. white women get constant mammogram testing and need a double mastectomy treatment whites are so unhealthy and gross.whites robbed our country and we going to kill you in ww3.
 Beth Bauers experiences in dating Indian men and her equation with her current Indian 
Well,first of all,so sorry to read about Beth and Im a bit shocked here,especially about Sex and the city thing.Yes,I agree with you and I dont know why most of the Indians(mostly guys) prefers Western people to be their hookup partner.It is like getting a PRIZE to have a Western(white) women.
I can relateI have some friends who are crazy about these stuffs so they just ignores Black or Brown girls over Whites,which I presume is Racism.
I have some Foreign friends so I know how much is it to live in India as a Foreignerthere are some morons with their annoying behaviour and you may have already seen this across Social medias,how they are crazy about getting them but there are also nice people.
Sometimes I feel ashamed to even say that Im an Indian and because of these Desperate jerks,people see us this way.
I never asked my white friends what is she wearing to sleep or Getting laid,just because they are open minded and Frank you cant
think shes probably up for an One night Stand.
Found this article because my boyfriend (lives in the US) is Indian, and his family is all still in India. He is preparing to let them know I (American) exist, and I was just looking into what to expect.
The link from 90% of marriages in India are still arranged is dead, by the way, and goes to a 404/page not found.
The story that a man took out 3 condoms in parking lot appears fake and over exaggerated for the following reasons. Of course it appears funny and is useful in forcing people to read further.
1. He parked the car at a restaurant and not outside a hotel so why would he show condoms suddenly.
2. It is almost impossible to have sex in parking lot of any Indian restaurant. This idea has been picked directly from Hollywood movies
3. As an Indian man binge watching American shows and even my friends have been watching American shows from a long time but desperate housewives or Sex in the city are not quite popular among Indian men. So that mention also points out to the some fakeness.
Before starting the story it is good to sort out the facts right. Foreign readers who are the intended audience might believe coz they are not aware.
Your first thought is to assume the woman telling this story is a liar and exaggerator interesting!
you white AlieN martiaNs are fkg ugly our indian women are the most beautiful women stay out of our countrys business we dont like white skinned savages.whites dont belong on our planet quit using our ideals of religion and invention of language thats not for white extraterrestrials go back to your planet and get out of ours Europe is a fake name for a continent which isnt separated by waters .we get technical your white race was never here and indus meaning indian indus valley civilization is the first civilization on the planet get out of our planet. GET OUT OF OUR NON WHITE CONTINENT! one british murdered in Goa IndiA one german murdered in ultar pradesh that means whites are not welcome! stay in your ShitholE we are ANTI WHITE we want you deaD
Wow, some very interesting anti India propaganda there, as usual ! I am Indian , live now in Kolkata , but was born and brought up in Berlin, Germany. I have seen it all so dont any white woman tell me fairytales about your virtuousness and morality. For you, not losing your virginity before youre 18 is oh so not cool and having at least 10 ex-boyfriends is a sign you are growing as a woman. Ha! Berlin is an international city, and I have seen German , British , American women all do their thing, living it up. I am also aware of how often white women become victims of date-rape and gang-rape , courtesy their oh-so-civilised white boyfriends. And then ,suddenly , when you all come to India, you all become virtuous, decent , self-respecting ladies ! Who do you think you are fooling ? NO ONE. And I have also been to the United Arab Emirates, where I have seen white women tourists get into cars with complete strangers- rich sheiks by the way, in order to sell sex for money. Where was their sense of self-respect then ? India is a poor country, and Indian men cant buy you Gucci shoes and Fendi handbags- so, of course, they are savages, right ? YOU MAKE ME PUKE. I have travelled half the globe, and everywhere Ive seen the same hypocrisy- white women taking their clothes off in a jiffy when they
visit affluent countries, and then turning into nuns when they go to third world countries. That is why I NEVER dated any white woman in my 24 years in Germany. Who likes hypocrites ? We ,the intelligent, widely travelled population of India have called your bluff long ago. SO DROP THE ACT ! If any Indian men are reading this, my advice to you is- avoid white women like the plague. No wonder thousands of Americans who want to have a decent family come to south-east Asia to find brides ! They have had enough of your double standards too.
Hello ! A tbousand apoplogies for the vile garbage in the above comment that was made in my name by an arsehole who was using my computer ! Delete this piece of trash immediately-you are so right about Indians . I usually dont comment on these blogs, but what I commented below is the actual me commenting. I am very sorry for the hurt caused by this extreme racist bullshit this motherfucker spewed out from MY computer.Delete it immediately! Once again, extremely sorry for the hurt this caused. My comment below will tell you how I really feel about your topic.
Im live now in Kolkata , India but grew up in Berlin. I was shocked when I came back to India to see how western women are treated. And anyway , Indian women arent doing any better- after all, eight-year old girls are getting sexually abused here ! I have many white friends whom I ve met in my many travels , and Id like to share a few tips I give white girls on interacting with my countrymen. Maybe youll find them useful:
1) ask about their parents,their siblings, their hobbies etc. Never about girlfriends or whether they are married or not. This immediately signals disinterest in matters of romance or sex.
2) Talk about your boyfriend ; if you dont have one-make him up. See the reaction. If he becomes uncomfortable, you know what he really wants.
3) If he wants to go out, ask if you can bring your friends along ( both male and female) . If he doesnt like the idea- well, I neednt say more.
These three initial tests usually give a good idea of who you are dealing with .
Guys who react very positively to this approach make for good friends you can really hang out with and count on.
Of course, theres always the possibility of meeting a great guy. In that case, good luck. But, sad to say , so many of the white women I have met have had horrible tales to tell. Anyway, great post !
 two. Willing to Make Sacrifices: A good marriage will be needing all the way up most of your time. If you love your task and cannot find yourself sustaining a internal life on the career-driven existence it is actually really do not to enter into marriage yet. Query like will I marry and sacrifice my career to get a marital life life need a respectable option. You can answer yes any time asked having said that, you have to make sure that you answered it to be honest in any other case you will purely be lying to yourself. It is not easy to develop a profession and if you are not likely very happy quit in that case its do not to generate wed prior to you have become prepared to gain that. Insights On Significant Aspects In
I dont think it was because of your race that Indian guys seemed interested in having sex. It happens with Indian girls too most of the times. It just in White people and specially White womens head that men in India think White men or women as prize or anything because of their race!!! At first it may seem like that because white people are portrayed as rich and fashionable in movies and India is very diverse in culture but not in terms of race but believe me youll get what I am saying if you have stayed a little longer and interacted with the same people a couple of more times! I blame Western Media for portraying White Women as easy!
Also I know White women tend to racially profile Indian men or any non white men! They just want to date an Indian guy (if they ever want to date one) to experience culture! From the beginning they have made their mind to not go into serious relationship with the Indian Guy and use the companionship as just sort of exploring culture and not the person! From so many experiences I have heard they say oh I dated an Indian guy once! At least I got to try different Indian food places and never a comment about how the person was!
Also your statement about 90% marriages being arranged marriages in India is not true specially among the young generation! Also the way arranged marriages are done has changed drastically in India! The girl and the guy date or get to know each other for the first few months before committing to each others lives and families and getting married.
Agree that things are changing in India, but actually, the arranged marriage is one thing that hasnt changed. Recent surveys show that 84% of people 13-35 who are married in India, it was arranged. So, not 90% anymore, but not far off. Source:
who Indians get married to is none of your business you jealous white piece of fkg $%! stick with your inferior race and stay out of our races busines