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AITA for blowing up on a girl I invited to a date when she brought a male friend?
So about a month ago I met a girl in a coffee shop. We talked for a bit, exchanged numbers, and have gotten coffee a couple of times since then and have texted and what not.
My company was offering tickets to Game 6 of the Caps/Hurricanes series in NHL hockey for extremely good value. I have recently gone through a breakup of my girlfriend of five years and Im really starting to like this girl so I decided to invite her to the game on a date. I tried to make this pretty apparent – it was meant to be a date. She agreed and said hockey is actually one of her favorite sports. At his point Im super excited.
Well I get to her place to pick her up for the game, and she comes out with a male friend. She hops in the backseat with him and I am completely blown away. Not sure how to question her, I simply say I thought we were the only ones going, I only have two tickets.
Her: Oh I didnt even think about it. This is my friend *whatever*, he wants to go too so I thought I would invite him.
Me: That was nice of you, but I still only have two tickets. I can only take two people.
Her: You cant find another ticket? I may have to stay home if thats the case.
At this point I was confused and frankly outraged. She had to have known the tickets were rare and not cheap – even if I got them at a great value. I kind of lost my cool and told them both to get the fuck out of my car – just with a few more words than that.
I sped off and went to the game by myself. It was a fantastic experience, but unfortunately that encounter is literally all I could think about. I still cant believe it happened.
This morning I texted her to lose my number and blocked her. If her intent was to just bring a friend, maybe I was too harsh. That being said, I really wonder if they were actually just friends. Maybe she thought we were just friends and it wasnt actually supposed to be a date? Just sucks because I really thought she was interested in me – I sure was in her. Too good to be true I guess.
INFO: Since some of you asked for additional info regarding how I asked her and what I said specifically.
I started by asking her if she was busy on Monday (the night of the game). She said she had nothing planned. I then asked if she was interested in going to the game. My exact words were: I can get us tickets at work if you are interested.
She replied with omg yes! And thats when she told me she loved hockey. I also suggested dinner but then realized we wouldnt have time before the game so she said we could just get food at the game. Sounds like a date to me.
As far as what I said in the car, once she said she would rather stay home than not go with her friend, I said Alright then. Thats kind of shitty of you. Guess youre not going, get the fuck out of my car.
She laughed and they both got out and I went on my way. Nothing really more than that.
Just a massive kick to the nuts when I spent money on expensive tickets and was very excited to go with this girl just to have her basically make me go alone. It came out of nowhere and at no point in our prior get togethers did she hint that she wasnt interested in me. I mean we had the whole night planned out pretty clearly.
EDIT: For what its worth, Im thinking maybe she just lost interest in me and thought this would be an easy cop out. Tip to anyone: If you arent interested in someone, tell them. Had she texted me days before the game and said Im not going to be able to go, Im just not interested. Have fun. I wouldve said Well that sucks, but Im glad she was honest. I wouldve found a friend to go with.
But to cop out like she did was brutal and just downright shitty.
We have a rule to be civil here, and a lot of you arent following it. So enough with all the slurs yall are throwing around. No more of shes a bitch, cunt, slut, etc. And be polite towards the OP too, while youre at it.
We dont want to start handing out bans, but thats the next step. Consider this your warning.
If you want an expanded explanation on what is or isnt nice, please readthis.
I mean. NTA but this story is hard to believe as true.
Yeah. I wonder if there was more to it. This just seems too weird.
I had a similar thing happen to me years ago. Got tickets to a movie premiere and asked out a girl that Id been talking to for over a year, who had just moved down to my area for school.
We met at the venue and she had brought a guy friend with her. He got lucky that I had an extra ticket and was too nice to say tough shit, wait outside. It ended up being awkward and very much not the date Id been looking forward to.
Similar thing, but from the female perspective.
When I was in college I went to an event and exchanged numbers with a guy Id been talking to there. (I was talking to him in a group with a bunch of other people.) He called me a while later and asked me if I wanted to go to a specific exhibit at a nearby museum with him and I said okay. When he called me back a day or two before the exhibit to figure out when we were going to meet up etc he asked if we were still on for that night and said so Im figuring we can grab a bite to eat andmaybe check out [exhibit] at the museum. In other words,hethought he had asked me outfor an evening, andIthought he asked me to go toa specific thingwith him. Different vibes.
I wasnt mean enough to show up with a chaperone or anything, but I declined the dinner pre-exhibit and was pretty careful about not giving him the impression that this was the start of a beautiful thing. If we had really hit it off during the exhibit then that could have changed, but there was no chemistry (I realized the good conversation we had when we met was mostly due to our friends being there) and at the end of the night I politely made my excuses and that was that.
So its possible that between the time OP suggested the date and the time the date rolled around she figured out that he had a very different idea than she did about what it meant and she just had no idea how to gracefully communicate that there had been a big misunderstanding somewhere along the way. I dont approve of the way she ultimately handled it, but I can see how it might have played out.
From a guys perspective if he asks you out anywhere just the two of you after having gotten your number he thinks it is a date unless it was made very clear that it was not. Unless the conversation you had that resulted in him getting your number included you or him having a SO or the fact that you were not in the market for one it is safe to assume he asked you on a date. Or if the number was exchanged for any business purpose that also would not be a date IMO. I can not really think of any reason that i would ask a girl i just met for her number unless I was interested in her for dating purposes excluding business or some type of service.
The problem with assuming this is that a lot of times when women try to be preventative and say upfront that they dont want to date a man, or try to cut off his advances, a common response is for them to brush it off like oh thats not how I meant it at all! Which I get. Understandable to want to save a little face and embarrassment… but it also makes it super confusing because we start to question our own perception of the events and actions, and other similar situations in future. People exchange numbers for lots of reasons – The best way to ask someone out on a date is to make it very clear you are asking them on a date.
Im sure he was not super clear based on his edits, and if we were talking lunch or coffee ok I guess. However playoff tickets are hundreds of dollars. Personally I would think that type of money would be very questionable if it was not a date. Again its not like they were friends for a long time so if the roles were reversed I cant see agreeing to go without clarification prior to accepting the invite.
Part of what I mean is that loving hockey is very different from actually understanding the cost of this date. Nothing about how this woman reacted tells me she has any understanding of how expensive those tickets wouldve been OR is even a casual fan as opposed to just literally loving to watch a game of hockey. I think most people would not just dip with their friend instead of… telling them to get lost and going to the free playoff game.
I dont even like hockey… Im well aware that playoff tickets, regardless of the sport, are expensive
True, but he said that his exact words were I can get us tickets at work if youre interested. She May have misinterpreted that as I can get usfreetickets from work. Still shitty to show up with another dude instead of saying shes not interested once she realized it was a date, but I could see her misunderstanding the cost.
NTA Based on the description, I dont think hundreds of dollars being spent was clear from her perspective. If someone I know said I can get tickets through work many times that means free tickets. Yes, the tickets are still valuable and can sold, but its usually frowned upon to flip tickets available through your employer.
That said, however, I still think OP is NTA (though I could be swayed to everyone sucks here with more specifics on how OP handled it). What a mature adult should do given the conversation is clarify. Oh, cool! How much do they cost? or Sounds great, but not sure I can afford that. How much would I owe you? or even a less direct Wow, are you sure? Arent those expensive? From there the conversation should naturally help set the expectations.
Yeah, I knew he wasnt asking me to the exhibit just as a friend and I was fine with seeing where it went on a casual date, but when he called to arrange things and made it seem like I had agreed to go on some indeterminate evening with him I felt uncomfortable. I had agreed to go toathing ataplace where I was comfortable and felt safe and then he seemed to think I had agreed to more than that and it was a red flag for me that we were not on the same page. I still went and I was polite, but I was 21. I was polite every step of the way, even when I wasnt particularly comfortable. Which kind of sucks and Ill never forget the relief I felt when I got back to my apartment that night, alone.
Your example is a good one. I do not see anything you did that was misleading or anything. I think there is a huge difference between a museum exhibit and a ticket that costs hundreds of dollars. And even then with your example you still were open to see how things went. OPs experience seems very different because it seems obvious she had no intentions on ever giving him any chance that combined with the cost of the ticket seems to scream please clarify in my brain. If for example a girl at work or a friend of a friend found out I liked football and said she had a extra ticket I would feel very compelled to ask if she was asking me out.
Then guys need to make it clear what their intentions are, as I too have gone on an accidental date with someone I thought was a buddy. Though it seems that men dont have the same ability to befriend someone of the opposite sex that women do, so mea culpa I guess.
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