I am a nice guy, love my family, love my dog, went to college, have a career that I enjoy, and have hobbies and friends. I think I have a lot to offer, but all the women my age (late 20s) seem to be focused on dating guys who make more money than I do. Im a junior high school English teacher, so its not like Im destitute, but Im not going to be rolling in to the best restaurants in DC three times a week and I dont drive a great car. A few times in a row, women have dumped me and said they just want to be friends, and then when I next run into them, they are out with some guy with a job in finance or a BMW or something. I dont want to think of women as shallow, but this is what Im seeing. Help me understand.
Women are evolutionarily primed to be attracted to men who have the ability to take care of them and their potential offspring. That used to be big guys who could defend them physically, and in todays culture, its guys with enough money to ensure that your offspring have whatever they consider important materially, whether its a big house, preschool, summer camp, or violin lessons. Yes, of course, women can and do work and make their own money. But when looking for a life partner, many women know that they want to have the option to stay home with their kids at least part-time (more and morewomen are actually choosing to stay home in recent years), or at the very least to take a maternity leave of whatever length they want, and not have to worry about it financially.
Research bears out the idea that women value money when assessing potential partners; thisexcellent use of tax dollarsdemonstrated that women are likelier to accept a date with a man who drives up in a luxury car than in a non-luxury car. The popular media also emphasizes the importance of money in finding a mate. Women (and men, but less frequently) line up to meet millionaires onTV showsanddating sites, and I even just sawa feature about sugar babies,or women that look for men online expressly for the purpose of financially subsidizing them. The sugar babies were pretty attractive, honestly. Sorry, didnt mean to depress you.
But, hark! Now Im going to stop depressing you (I start again in a bit, though, sorry)! Even with the evolutionary and social pressures to find a good provider, most women really just want a guywho is compatible with them. And you actually are a good provider; you have a stable job and a lot of room for upward mobility. I also think that most women want a guy who is available, both emotionally and physically, and in this regard, your lifestyle and career are ideal. Youre probably not home later than 4 or 5pm and you have your summers off and lots of holidays. You sound like you would be able to hang out a lot with a girlfriend, travel, and have lots of other adventures. Once youre a dad youd have lots of time to spend with your kids. And you do have a stable job and your salary will be increasing over time, too. Women are not stupid; they know that their kids will want to spend time with their dad and they know that youll be around a lot more than some finance working BMW driving guy.
Personally, I would prefer to marry a junior high school teacher than a guy who was spending every second at his job, even if he was pulling in a million dollars a year. In fact, ask my husband how many times I begged him to get out of investment banking in our first years of marriage and take whatever pay cut would be necessary if he would be home more (the answer is, one billion times. Then he did it and I was happy.) Thats why I dont think that women are just dumping you because youre not Donald Trump. So lets explore some other possible reasons.
Here are some reasons I can think of that your relationships havent worked out that have nothing to do with money (heres where I depress you again). These are all hypothetical because I dont know you, so dont take offense, but here goes. You may be unattractive, you may be annoying, you may talk about your ex-girlfriends, yourmom may be over-involved, you may pressure girls for sex, you may notwant to have sex, your hobbies may be things like taxidermy, your friends may suck, you may smell bad, you may not exercise, you may have a second head that you failed to mention (DONT HATE MAIL ME IF YOU HAVE A SECOND HEAD AND YOURE AN AWESOME PERSON, IM JUST SAYING ITS NOT GOING TO WORK FOR EVERYONE), you may have a drinking problem, you may be really pretentious and only watch subtitled films, you. hey, I think I made my point. My point is, unless ten women in a row told you explicitly that their sole reason for dumping you is your salary, you cannot conclude that this is the reason. It could be literally anything else in the world, including just a lack of chemistry. Youre only 28. Maybe you justdidnt meet Ms. Right yet.
So, yes, the majority of women are going to pick a rich guy over a poor guy if all else is equal. But all else is never equal. You have your own unique qualities, including summers off, which cannot be overestimated. I would murder someone for my husband to have summers off and am salivating thinking about all the home projects that we could complete. Anyway, back to you. Some woman is going to love you and your wonderful personality and the fact that you like reading To Kill a Mockingbird with 7th graders even more than she would like riding around in a luxury car. (Note: I dont get the luxury car thing myself. I didnt get my car repaired since I crashed into a snowbank two years ago since its only cosmetic damage. And I still want to take my car everywhere instead of taking my husbands company car, which is much nicer, although it wouldnt take much to be nicer than a damaged 2006 minivan. Actually he had his last company car for 2 years and I never sat in it. Not even once. True story. Is there a psychological term for someone who pathologically dislikes luxury cars? Whatever that disorder is, I have it. BMWophobia?)
Furthermore, I think you may be hypersensitive to the wealth thing. What did your parents think about rich people? Did you grow up with less money than your peers? Ill bet you money (funny, right?) that there is some deeper issue at play here that renders you particularly sensitive to the idea that you are being perceived as poor by the women you date. So maybe you want to explore that with a therapist, or by having your junior high school students write essays on the topic of wealth that you can read and introspect about and see which ones trigger you. Or you can ask your friends, Hey, do you think those girls all dumped me because I dont make enough money? Guy friends are pretty honest. They might be like, No, its more because of that time you vomited on her moms doorstep. Also, you need a different deodorant.
Well, thats about it for todays topic of whether women are shallow money hungry she-devils. For the record, my answer is NO, but everyone likes nice things. Except me, if the nice things are nice cars. But I do like to spend hours a week blogging instead of increasing my hours of paid employment. And that wouldnt be possible if my husband was a derelict. But, again, reader, YOURE NOT A DERELICT. You could in fact probably support your very own part time working part time blogapist wife one day on a teachers salary. With a 2006 Dodge Caravan to boot. Living the dream, living the dream.
Till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Who Likes Evolutionary Psychology.
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This blog is not intended as medical advice or diagnosis and should in no way replace consultation with a medical professional. If you try this advice and it does not work for you, you cannot sue me. This is only my opinion, based on my background, training, and experience as a therapist and person
As a disinterested third party ( a gay man with LOTS of straight male friends) I have to say that I think you are dead wrong. What I have noticed over the last several decades of observing the other sides mating habbit are a) she will always go for the rich guy unless hes short, b) she will always go for the dangerous, sketch, flashy guy to be her first husband, c) her second husband will be a dentist or accountant and d) if hes tall, rich and flashy, he can be Charles Manson and every woman will prefer him for a while. My advice to this yound man would be to hang out with his friends, enjoy his hobbies and bide his time. He will make some very pretty woman an excellent second husband.
Girls: Between a poor boy and an unlimited credit card? Who will you choose to marry?
Well the reason why women go for rich men is Women are evolutionarily primed to be attracted to men who have the ability to take care of them and their potential offspring. That used to be big guys who could defend them physically, and in todays cul
Although, the reasons behind females seeking males with certain qualities are biological, I still dont like it. I just believe that these are one of those situations where its better to jump on my high horse and be stuck up.
The thing thats intolerable for me is the idea that I am supposed to think its okay that I am a consolation prize. That just because she was who I wanted to give my attention to in the the past, it should be that way now, 5-10 years later. After she has had sex with all these men I am supposed to still be by the phone waiting for her to return a simple text message. Are you serious?
The other side of the coin is that no person is perfect and we should forgive and forget. Reading in between the lines that means get over yourself and your standards or you will be alone. Try singing that tune when you find out a girl you have liked for years and that has kept you in the friendzone had sex with one of your friends without a single date. Wouldnt that piss you off? It might not. But, wait. I didnt say that she kept you at bay with an excuse of religious morals. Now you can get pissed.
What many will think is that this anger is not justified because you cannot expect everyone to like you. Rejection happens. To them I say this: I dont give 2 flying craps about that. Its the wasted effort. I will never get that time back. Time I could have used on a venture that would have actually benefited me was spent stroking some persons ego. That makes me livid.
This is why I only care about money now. A woman is not gonna pay my expenses, put food in my belly, gas in my car, get equipment for my business. I could go on. My point? I dont need a female. I just need common sense and money.
I dont care about sex. I dont want kids. I dont want to get married. I think I covered all avenues a female can effect my life. Have fun wasting your time just to get attention from the opposite sex. I will be making money.
You are kind of wrong wether your story is real or made up.
Be patient you will find someone that loves you for who you are when we love someone love is more important , I believe there is someone out there for everyone.
The other point is as poor men find love rich men also do !! you can fall in love with a rich man and you can love him , if you have physical attraction , his personality is nice and he treats you good you can love the man not his money!! .
You make it seem like women like to be spoiled . In my case thats not the case .
If I date a poor or rich man he has to be as young as me .physicall atraction is important , and I can not go to bed with someone I dont have feelings for thats what I think .
Some men have great personalities he can make you the happiest woman just being around him .
Rich men are interesting men they have culture and a lot of knowledge , they are elegant too , though I prefer the old rich family guy they dont usually brag about it they are more reserved about it I prefer them than the new rich guys.
The poor man allways wants to suceed in life some make it some dont .
Some women marry for money some dont . While financial stability is something really important; I will marry for love and I will be there for my husband whenever he needs me , poor or rich I will allways support him . I will allways work for my things too.
Its more complex than to affirm all women marry for money . There are many types of women and men not just rich or poor.
Well with so many women today that are very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, and very greedy, really speaks for itself.
Get thee money my friend when you get it dont trick off give alittle and keep stacking no offence but women are women and they prolly gta a line of thirsty guys waiting for you to fuck up or give her any reason to bounce they pimp guys word ..they are good at it .lonely days are ahead lol for me I know
just put it like this whatever thats supposely high in demand gone cost even though they know it makes them seem like prostitutes they dont care. I truly dont believe in love anymore and its sad bcz as a kid I had these big dreams then when I prayed to god for 4 years and he showed me he really cared by giveing me the same type of women I knew that all I could count on is me ..that just the beggining the mean of life is to be happy to suffer 90percent of the time I must of been a cruel mf in my past exist
Women are evolutionarily primed to be attracted to men who have the ability to take care of them and their potential offspring.
You dont really believe these superstitions, do you? Everything else Ive read on this blog is so insightful. This kind of Victorian quackery seems so out of place here.
you must not have read a lot of this blog! its very focused on evolutionary psychology and thats a key component, women like men who can provide. heres kind of a funny study but there are thousands more.
ahahahaa the author herself has marries a finance guy with a bmw
the author herself begged and begged till he took a half pay cut and traded bmw for another cheaper vehicle which is where were at now 🙂
I call them Golddiggers that are total Losers.
Other than sex what does a woman really have to offer a man? Company? Money? Repair your car? Mow your grass? Protect you? No to all of those of course. Wise up. Youre better off single. They will only take from you and secretly laugh that you traded so much just for a little sub-par sex from them.
Then again most of the single women nowadays are very pathetic to have a relationship with anyway since most of them today are real users and losers as well.
Gee, look at all these prize specimens in the comments who FOR SOME REASON cant attract women. Hate to break it to you, broflakes: its not about the money, its about the fact that you are utter and complete douchebags. How do I know? Because the common denominator in all your failed relationships is you. But instead of recognizing the obvious, youve decided to vilify 4 billion people, 99.99999% of whom youve never met. How delusional can you get?
we live in a time in which everyone regardless of being man or women wants to get as rich as possible, i believe it is laziness and the social media which lead as to believe we should go rather after money than the person we would consider to love, more money means to live a better life and of course to be in able to brag about it through facebook or instagram.
Golddiggers are everywhere nowadays unfortunately since these type of women are very worthless and clueless altogether since they see nothing but dollar signs in front of their eyes all the time, and that is why you see these very young stupid women go with much older men just for the money obviously. Most single men are going MGTOW today with these type of women that are all over the place now unfortunately.
When studies show that the very first thing a woman evaluates when approached for a date is his earning potential, there isnt any denying that money plays a much larger role in her life than men are led to believe. Of course, by the time they have made the mistake and married, they quickly learn the true facts of life.
Most women are very money hungry today which a great majority of these type of women are nothing but users and total losers altogether, especially the ones that go with men that are much older than them when it comes to money. This is why so many marriages are failing these days because of these very pathetic women, especially since many women are cheating today as well. Been there.
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