Building up the confidence to talk to a beautiful stranger at the bar is something thats oft-discussed and analyzed. There are a million manuals, books, articles and YouTube channels on how to do it. The thing thats wrong with all of them? They make it too hard. Seriously. Getting phone numbers from beautiful women is not the same as Sudoku: dont make an elaborate game of it! Here, we discuss some ways to go aboutapproaching womenthat are simple and effective — but theyll transform the way you think of the process.
Heres the thing. Approaching strangers is the least chill thing in the entire universe, because youre interrupting someone as they go about their day! Without warning!
Its understandable that youre nervous about it, and its natural to want to compensate for that nervousness. But resist the urge to approach with some corny gimmick, as if youre a salesman going door-to-door with his product. Women can sense bullshit from a mile away, so its not necessary to dream up complicatedpick-up lines. Plus, anything of the kind will stress her out. Stressing women out is definitely not good game.
Before you approach her, ask yourself How would I want to be approached by a stranger? Relax! Be normal. Pretend that youre talking to an old acquaintance you havent seen in a while. Ask her if she recommends the wine shes drinking. Ask her opinion on that hat the bartender is wearing, instead of hitting on her with aggressive compliments. This will create a natural rapport and make the conversation that much smoother and more pleasant.
Good timing is key to flirtation, so observe what shes doing before you go leaping across the room to talk to her. Is she furiously texting someone? Is she walking to the bathroom hurriedly? Does she seem busy or harried? Is she having a profound conversation with somebody at the bar? In all these situations, you shouldnt approach a stranger. Even if shes smitten by you, she wont be able to talk while her boss is emailing her about a work crisis. Only approach women who seem relaxed and at their leisure — theyre the ones wholl actually want to talk to you.
It might seem like this is it. Youve spotted a girl whos a dead ringer for Jennifer Lawrence and youre convinced this is your one shot at true love. But remember, thats not the case! There will always be another day, another gorgeous woman across the room, another shot at true love. So dont approach women as if its an all-or-nothing game. Remember, women are always evaluating the likelihood of a threat from strange men, so anyintense come-ons are more creepy than they are flattering.
Dontask for her phone numberright away — women arent comfortable giving that much information to a stranger. Start small: ask her politely if you can buy her a drink and add, If not, no worries. Adding a disclaimer to what youre saying lets her know that youre not a serial-killer (always a good thing!). You might want to give her your phone number, instead of taking hers.
Another power move is the walk-away. You can tell her Hey, you seem really cool. If youd like a drink later, Ill be by the bar and walk off. This is perfect, because it leaves the ball in her court. Now shes free to come find you, and you have established that youre not going to be pushy or creepy about it at all. The less pushy you appear, the better shell feel about texting you later to hang out.
Repeat this to yourself before you go over! Repeat it until youve internalized it. Rejection is like bread-and-butter. Its not about you, its just that shes not feeling it that particular day. You cant succeed every time. Failing is good practice (even Steph Curry misses some shots!). So if she says No, dont stress it. Dont overthink it, and definitely dont ask her why or push her to change her mind. Thats a surefire way to creep out a woman.
Its important to keep in mind that women dont always reject men directly. They may feel too uncomfortable to rap out a hard No the second you go over. But that doesnt mean you should keep talking obliviously — why would you want to talk to somebody you have to hold hostage? Be sensitive to any signal that shes not interested. Read her nonverbal cues and body language — is she crossing her arms or tapping her feet in impatience? If shes replying with one-word answers, or is distracted and looking elsewhere, this is your cue to excuse yourself nicely and go get a drink.
If she saysNooutright, smile and say Well, it was worth a shot. Have a great day! That way shell be flattered, and leave with a positive opinion of the interaction. After all, making someones day is a pretty decent alternative to getting their number.
Okay, shes actually interested — thats great! Youre hitting it off, and shes enthusiastic, chatty and animated. But hold on: that doesnt mean you should push it. She may not want to spend the entire night talking to you — which is why you should be mindful of her circumstances.
For instance, if shes with her friends on girls night, dont monopolize her entire night. There will be plenty of chances to talk later. Give her your phone number and let her know youd love to continue this. Respecting their time and space is the only real way to succeed with women. Good luck!
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